Why Brittany Maynard isn't My Hero

In January, a 29 year old newly-wed from California, Brittany Maynard, was diagnosed with a severe form of brain cancer, and it was terminal. She was given only a few years to live. Later, she found out her conditioned had worsened, and she was left with only six months to live. She was told how the cancer would take her life. She was told of the suffering that she would endure. I can't imagine how hard those words must have been to hear. I couldn't begin to think of what must have went through her mind.

Because of her situation, Brittany and her family moved to Oregon. There, she could access their "Death with Dignity" law. She moved, went to the doctor, and obtained a prescription that, when she chose to take it, would end her life. She picked a date--November 1st--two days after her husband's birthday, and just a little while before her 30th birthday, as the day that she would end her own life.

I can't lie--Brittany's story is heart-wrenching. Her story was touching. She seemed so brave in how she was facing what was before her. She became our society's latest social-media buzz, and source of inspiration. She began to work for an organization called "Compassion and Choices", which adovcates for "death with dignity". She was lauded as a hero. But, I have a problem with this whole situation.

She's not a hero.

You're probably mad, aren't you? Doesn't saying that she's not a hero make me seem insensitive? Well, take a second, breathe, and hear me out...

I have no doubt and do not deny that cancer is an absolutely terrible thing. While I don't have cancer myself, I've seen the affect that it has on people. Because of cancer, I never had the opportunity to meet my grandmother. Because of cancer, I don't know what it's like to go to my grandma's house after school; I don't know what it's like to have her hug me, or tell me stories, or help me through a difficult situation. Because of cancer, my dad lost part of his lung. Watching his suffering, going through surgery, recovering, and spending five years worrying that it would come pack was painful to watch. I have no doubt that cancer is an evil thing, and is something that I pray people don't have to endure.

The decision that Brittany has made to end her life because of her cancer seems brave. I don't doubt that she was scared. I would be, too. I think anyone with a function sense of reason would be. I don't dbout that making that decision must have taken some strength.

But, unlike the seemingly overwhelming majority of people, I don't think that there is anything brave about her decision. Growing up, I was always taught that being brave means that we face our problems, deal with suffering, and don't run away. Being brave means that we recognize that suffering is a real, undeniable, inescapable part of life, but it is also a part of life that we need to face, make the most of, and remember the value that we have through it all. By choosing to end the cancer by taking her own life, Britanny, is, in a very real way, running away. Does that sound harsh? Probably, but it's the truth we all seem uncomfortable with.

If taking pills to kill herself makes Brittany brave, then what about this scenario: A woman lays in her hosptial bed. She is in pain. Yet, she has chosen to not let the cancer control her. She has decided that cancer, although it may be killing her, won't stop her from living. She's the one who is embracing her suffering, recognizing that she can get so much out of every moment of her life. She's the one who chooses to be an example of what life is really about, and what maintaining hope truly is. But, somehow, she's not brave, and Brittany is the hero? Somehow, she's a coward. To me, that doesn't really follow, and it doesn't do justice to the woman in the hospital bed, or the very meaning of suffering. (I later found another blog that makes this same point, which can be read here)

A couple of weeks ago, the Church celebrated, for the first time, the feast of Saint John Paul II. In my opinion, he is the one that showed our generation what life is all about, and that suffering is in fact a part of it. During his last days on earth, he relied on a feeding tube. He was bound to a wheelchair. He couldn't even speak. He, the spiritual leader of Christians throughout the entire world, was totally dependent on others. Can you imagine the suffering he must have endured? But, he still made an effort. He still appeared at his window, attempted to speak, was frustrated that he couldn't, as any human would be, and gave his blessing. He refused to give up. He acknowledged that although he was in pain, his life still had meaning. He knew that God wasn't done with him, and that he was to be an example to the world of how to live and even how to die. He recognized that he was still a beloved child of God, and that every single moment, painful or not, was valuable and irreplace.

Just as cancer, suicide is a horrible thing. At the beginning of this school year, three high school students in my area took their own lives, within a few days of one another. It was heart-wrenching to hear of the pain that those families and communities faced.

Just as cancer, suicide has affected my family. Suicide took away my brother. He was the one that's closest in age to me--the only one I remember being in the house when I was groing up. He's the one whose very name I share (we both have the same first name...it's complicated) When my brother died, my world came to a screeching halt. I was confused, angry, sad, and every other possible horrible, yet profoundly human, emotion at once. I wondered why this was happening to my family.

I've spent the past seven years trying to move on, but never being able to completely do so. It's the part of my life I wish I could rewind and prevent from ever happening, but can't. It's been seven years of questioning if there was something I could have done to keep him from taking his own life. It's been seven years of nightmares. Seven years of seeing someone that looks exactly like him on the street, or swearing that I heard his voice, and instantly remembering that I will never see or hear him on earth again. The process of moving on is one that is going to last my entire life, becacause when a loved one takes their own life, there's really no way to make sense of it.

When my brother died, everyone that knew about it talked about how horrible it was. What a tragedy it was. How he was so young, and had so much potential. How they wished he didn't do it. The world, for a while, seemed to stop turning.

Now, here's what doesn't make sense to me. Here's what fills my heart with agony and confusion. Brittany Maynard planned to take her own life. She decided that she was going to dissolve several pills in water, put on some music, drink the water, lay in bed, and wait to die. She is committing suicide. She says that she isn't, but she is. She is taking her own life. Yet, millions upon millions of people are praising her for the exact same thing that was so horrible when my brother did it. Millions have called her a hero, simply because she claims that it isn't suicide--it's "death with dignity".

This part is hard for me to write, but it has to be said: there is nothing dignified about suicide. Brittany Maynard did not choose to die with dignity. By the very act that she chose to carry out, she denied the very dignity that her life has. She is saying that because her life involves suffering, because her life did not go according to plan, that it no longer has value. She has rejected the inherent dignity given to her by her nature as a beautiful child of God, created in His image and likeness out of nothing more than pure love. By taking those pills, Brittany is denying the dignity of her life, and failing to recognize the value of her suffering.

During her final days, Brittany unfortunately advocated suicide as a means of giving up--as a means of running away from life's problems. But, it does nothing more than create additional problems. She advocated for the growth of the culture of death that is already all too present in our society. She worked for and promoted a specific organization that promotes physician-assisted suicide, not only for the terminally ill, but for anyone at all, even if they have no illness whatsover. In a very real way, it was a mockery of people like my brother, who in an indescribable amount of anguish and alterd state of mind, ended his own life, and the woman in the hospital bed, choosing to live life no matter what.

When our culture denies the inherent dignity of human life--when our culture praises running away from suffering because of a fundamental misunderstaning of the role that it plays in our lifes--when our society glorifies suicide, I believe, in the depths of my heart, that the culture and the society are headed down a dangerous road and a dark path.

On the Solemnity of All Saints, Saturday, November 1, 2014, Brittany Maynard ended her own life. When I first heard her story, I started to pray and to make sacrifices, hoping that she would choose to live rather than die. I gained some hope when she did an interview (I believe with CBS), and stated that she may not end her life on November 1st, and may still be alive on November 2nd, because she was experiencing joy. She was able to experince joy, even in her suffering. I don't deny that her suffering was real, and that it was horrible, but I don't believe, with all of my heart, that suicide was the right decision to make.

You may be thinking by reading this that I am angry. Well, to be frank, you'd be right. Yes, I am angry. Yes, I am annoyed. But, I don't hate Brittany. I love her. I really didn't want her to take her own life. Although she may not have been able to see it, I whole-heartedly believe that her life had more meaning. I believe that she had value, and that ending her life has caused her to not be able to experience and do great and valuable things, and be a witness to so many.

If you're reading this, take a moment and stop. Take a moment and pray. Pray for Brittany Maynard. Make sacrifices for her. Pray for those who supported her decision. Pray for those suffering from cancer. Pray for those who have ended their own life. Pray for my brother. Pray for those thinking of taking their own life. Pray for our culture and for our world, that we may come to a proper understanding of what suffering is, and the role that it has in our lives. I believe that light will overcome the darkness. I believe that the culture of life will overcome the culture of death. But it will only happen through the unbelievable power of prayer. I have been, and will continue to pray for Brittany Maynard.

Saint John Paul II, who showed the world how to live life to the fullest, even in the midst of suffering, pray for us.

In all things, may God be glorified. Amen.

#suffering #prayer